Miscarriage: Part Two

It has been almost four weeks since we found out about the miscarriage. To be completely honest, I am shocked at how good/normal I feel and how much hope I have for the future.

The D and C went really well. I hope every surgery I have is that easy. I woke up in the recovery room a bit dizzy and disoriented and really hungry! We stayed at the hospital for about 45 minutes after I woke up and went home. After we got home, we watched movies all day. I had no pain and was only slightly bleeding. Saturday, we ventured out to get lunch and I did some Christmas shopping. Since then, I have had no pain and only bled lightly for about 5 days. I am so happy that I chose a D and C. I think it really helped expedite my healing and grieving process.

Though I felt pretty good, the weekend was tough for me. It was filled with lots of self-talk, blinking back tears, and Steve's reassurances that I could indeed make it through this trial.

Steve had to go on a business trip to Dallas from Sunday to Wednesday. So, I had rescheduled my flight to Utah for Sunday also. I felt a little dead inside thinking about being apart from him- I was so scared to venture out on my own and not have my rock there with me. Needless to say Sunday was not my favorite day. That night, I was at my in-law's house and stayed up practically the whole night talking, grieving and crying with my mother-in-law and sister-in-law. It was so cathartic.

Then, when I woke up Monday morning, for the first time since I heard the news, I felt good. I felt hopeful. It was truly the strangest thing I've ever had happen to me. I know that Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ heard all of the prayers being said for me and blessed me to feel that way. It was as if overnight, the whole burden had been lifted and I could rejoin the land of the living. It was one of the best blessings I have ever received in all of my life. I have still had some hard days, and hours but overall I have truly felt happy.

As I have thought about this experience and the ability I've been given to heal, I can't help but be grateful. I feel like I have truly been able to experience the happiness in life I had been missing and to know that when I am blessed to be pregnant again and have a baby, I will be able to experience the full spectrum of happiness and joy that come with that experience. For that I am truly grateful. I remember someone saying to me that to take the pain and sorrow out of life would also be to remove the happiness and joy and love too and it is so true.

I also can't help but be grateful for all of love and support I have received from everyone in my life. Words can't express how much every gesture of kindness meant to me. It has been especially helpful to hear stories of others who have gone through this experience, which I'm sure isn't an easy thing to talk about.

For now, I am still taking things one day at a time, but in a good way. I am hopeful, excited for the future, and grateful beyond words for the blessings I have been given.